On the Outside Looking In?

By Anna Murtha

When Michael Portugas-Zuart was four years old, he asked his mother a question all parents dread: “Where am I from?” Instead of pulling out the anatomy books she turned to the atlas. “I’m from the United States, your father is from Holland and you were born in Vienna.”

Michael looked up at his mother and said, “Yeah, but where am I from?”

His mother shrugged, not knowing how to respond. Fifteen years later Michael and his family have spent twelve years in Rome; he has attended many schools, and finally at nineteen, Michael has found the answer to his question. “I’m from the world,” he says.

Michael is part of an elite and ever-growing group of kids called “TCK’s.” This acronym stands for “Third Culture Kid.” Dr. David Pollock, a prominent writer and speaker on TCK issues, gives a clearer definition: “A TCK is an individual who, having spent a significant part of his developmental years in a culture other than his parent’s culture, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures while not having full ownership of any. Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience.” By definition, a TCK could be a child of a military family, a missionary, an NGO (non-governmental organization) family or a government worker, such as an ambassador—all who work overseas.

One of the biggest challenges a TCK faces is to “fit in.” For many TCKs, “going home” means going to a place not really their home. For a friend of mine, “home” in New Zealand is a dreaded place. “It is so different,” he says. “They play cricket and rugby—games I have no idea how to play. When I come back to Thailand I fit in better." TCKs often feel more like visitors in their home countries and may prefer to keep it that way.

Many TCKs discover that family and friends are both ignorant and prejudiced in regard to other nationalities. In some cases TCKs are offended because their family or friends talk negatively about their schoolmates or neighbors. TCKs know there is more to people than just the stereotype of Asian, European, etc. For the most part, TCKs have learned to accept other people even with the prejudices they have. How do they cope? “You just don’t say anything; you learn to keep your mouth shut.”

Wrong impressions usually come from both sides. David, whose parents are missionaries in Africa, says that if you are white or not African, you are automatically seen as very rich and very ugly. The people in the village where he and his family live were shocked to find out that the rich foreigners ate rice and rode bicycles just like they do. They were brought up to believe differently.

Another question TCKs dislike is, “Where are you from?” It’s just a simple question that should have just one answer, but for a TCK it’s a tricky question and one to ponder each time it is asked. Does it mean, where were you born, where did you grow up, or what is on your passport? The question of where a TCK is from is not easy to answer.

Have you ever thought what it would be like to travel around for weeks on end, sitting in a new Sunday school class each week, only to answer questions like: “Do you eat cockroaches over there? Are there tigers in your back yard?” Some TCKs find these questions rude and annoying, but others find them just plain comical. Have you ever imagined how hard it would be to say goodbye to your extended family and friends, travel to a different country, adjust to a new lifestyle, learn the language and the culture, then say goodbye to those friends and move “home” for a number of months only to make new friends and say more goodbyes?

As an MK I have experienced all that. My parents have been missionaries in Thailand since 1983. I was born in the northern city of Chiangmai. My younger sister and two older brothers have all been in Thailand for different periods of time. I have been mostly home schooled, and by the age of 17 I have lived in eleven different houses.

Growing up internationally I always thought I was just different. I never felt like I belonged anywhere. Returning back to the States I realized more fully how unique my childhood has been, compared to that of my American friends. Most of my friends have moved only a few times, have gone to no more than three schools and, for them, overseas means Hawaii. At 17 I still don’t have a driver’s license but have more stamps in my passport than most people get in a lifetime.

While in Thailand I attended a conference where Dr. David Pollock spoke. For the first time I realized there were other kids who felt like I did and understood my overseas experiences. Books, magazines and Web sites are out there, especially for TCKs. Knowing others exist who have had similar experiences has helped me. I still feel lonely at times and miss Thailand, but I know I don’t fit in either place. I’m glad to know I am not the only one who feels like this. I entitled this article, “On the Outside Looking In?" because that’s exactly how I sometimes feel.

On the other hand, there are some great things about being a TCK. Third Culture Kids possess an adaptability and broadmindedness that is valued more than ever in today’s borderless world. They have much more than a textbook understanding of the world around them; they have experienced first-hand what others have only read or seen in National Geographic. Because of their experiences and the friendships they have had with other peoples and cultures, TCKs are able to feel comfortable not only with kids their own age, but with young and old people of the same or different nationalities. They are able to converse with adults easily and on many different subjects.

I’m privileged to call myself a TCK no matter how painful it is at times. I would never trade the experiences I’ve been through or the things I’ve learned for anything. I’m still unsure of where I come from. After many years of living overseas America doesn’t really seem like home. I feel like the MK who said, “I don’t belong anywhere, but I’m at home everywhere."

I may never come to the final decision of where I call home, and I don’t think it matters if I ever do. The most important thing is to be content where God places me and to hold onto the assurance that I am a child of God (John 1:12). It doesn’t matter whether I am in America or Thailand. No matter where I live, I know that He is there too, and I am His. Although I may feel I am on the outside looking in as an MK/ TCK, with Him I am on the inside looking out on the whole world.

Anna wrote this while in high school. She is now a senior at LibertyUniversity in Virginia majoring in communications.

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